Sometimes the toughest thing to say is something that would not surprise anyone. Why is that?
The CONTENT of the message certainly wouldn’t surprise me if I said it. But maybe I would be surprised that I actually said it out loud.
In the moment, it often feels a lot easier to ignore and avoid feelings of anxiety and depression than confront them head on. Trouble is, once you come back to yourself, those feelings are still there (and potentially angry that you avoided them).
I want to pretend that those feelings aren’t really a part of me. But they are.
I want to pretend anxiety and depression and my struggle with them don’t affect my relationships with family and friends. But they do.
And I struggle to hold to contrary thoughts in my awareness: 1. I want to ask for help and 2. I don’t want anyone to know that anything is wrong.
As I end this entry, the thought occurs to me that a technical writing analysis would show this does not follow the beginning/middle/end structure very closely, and is likely just the middle of a much larger story.